French press review 10 February 2010

by Michael Fitzpatrick

Article published on the 2010-02-10 Latest update 2010-02-10 09:03 TU

Andrius Kubilius must be a barrel of laughs over a few pints of whatever the lads in Lithuania get down them when they go to the pub after work.

is the Lithuanian Prime Minister and he wants his country, a member of the enlarged European Union since 2004, to exchange the present currency, the perfectly respectable lita, for the euro, the funny money that may soon make the czarist rouble or the Zimbabwe dollar look like hard cash.

And Andrius wants this to happen as soon as possible. Lithuania tried to get into the monetary union before, in 2007, but were rejected because of some technicality over price stability.

Now, with the national economies of Greece, Portugal and Spain going down the tubes and threatening to take the whole bread cart with them, you'd imagine the Lithuanians would be fleeing with all their fleas. But no, they want to join the club. Watch this space. We predict snap elections in Lithuania, soon, and a huge margin of victory for the "Save the lita" party. Viso gero, Andrius.

Speaking of government leaders on their last legs, Le Monde reveals that Gordon Brown's missus, Sarah, has told him to lay off the chocolate and get serious about the banana.

It appears that Prime Minister Brown has been guzzling the goodies and getting a bit, well, cuddly. So she-who-must-be-obeyed has put the main man on a banana diet, nine per day, which may not do much for the Cadbury's share price, but will certainly put the Prime Minister back on the road to good health according to a government spokesman.

The same spokesman goes on to say that Gordon Brown will also start looking better, which, if it turns out to be true, will be nothing short of miraculous.

While we're on the slippery subject, Elvis Presley's favourite sandwich was peanut butter with sliced banana, and don't slop on my blue suede shoes, but Gordon Brown is a long way from being the King.

The French male is the best lover in the world, the most intelligent and the funniest. That's according to an opinion poll recently carried out, without much respect for common sense or statistical logic, among 2,000 French males.

Well, they would, wouldn't they?

A hospital in the English city of Bristol has decided to put an end to the humiliation suffered by patients who have to wear those blue paper surgical gowns that open at the back.

As you are whisked to the resuscitation unit, with barely minutes to live, you have the additional worry that your arse is wobbling through the public corridors, causing laughter, consternation and a hefty investment in bananas among those you pass.

Not any more.

The North Bristol Trust has bought a sort of sack affair, which covers the entire body, and will enable us to go to our doom in decency. But not just yet. The Bristol administrators are against waste, and insist that all the old gowns are used up before the bum-protecting jobbies can become the norm. Stay well.